I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
