The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
