Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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