I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
