you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize