That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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