I'm so fucking centered right now
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
