obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
