her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
