Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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