Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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