Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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