The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
