Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The adults are the big ones right?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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