That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
