wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
