barbara walters just said penis...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
