im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
