You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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