i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
