I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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