My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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