i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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