Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
