I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
