Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
