haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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