I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize