I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
