I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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