we're chasing vodka with high fives
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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