I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
