I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He better not be in your backpack
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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