Plan B is the new Plan A
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
