You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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