I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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