Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
