Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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