In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
