got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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