I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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