I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
