Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
