i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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