yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
