This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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