Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
