I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
