Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize