remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Couch. On fire.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
