Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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