I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
