Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize