You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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