I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
