i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
