Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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