Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
