he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
