you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
