But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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