please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
