I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
