No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
