You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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