I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
