apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
