RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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